A few years ago I wrote a newspaper column in which I listed a few of the things that annoyed me about football and would lock away inside Room 101. Here are some more.

Transfer speculation

Sky Sports News was practically unwatchable during January. The channel is famous for its ability to hype up the most mundane of sporting events but in what was a fairly quiet transfer window they outdid themselves. Constantly banging on about players I have never heard of going/not going to teams I don’t care about. Several times a day they would have round table discussions about transfers as if they were the most important thing on earth. I saw one bloke on there who seemed genuinely angry at a club for deciding that they were happy with their squad and that they wouldn’t buy anyone. Why wouldn’t you sign someone? It’s the transfer window! It is your duty!

Yes, Jim White, I do vaguely remember Nabil Bentaleb in his Spurs days. He was pretty average. Why are you getting so excited about him moving to Newcastle? Since its 2011 peak, deadline day has ceased to be even remotely interesting but that doesn’t stop Sky Sports News counting down to it like it was Christmas. The fact that the current system means this is all condensed into one month makes it even harder to stomach – my other passion is cricket, and even though the England team were in the middle of a fascinating tour of South Africa, news about it was pushed down the running order because Bruno Fernandes (who?) had been seen in a Homebase just outside Manchester. Or something like that.

‘What do they need a break for? They earn millions!’

As I write this, the Premier League is embarking on its first winter break. It seems crazy that it has taken 27 years for the English top flight to take a leaf out of the books of nearly every other European league, but better late than never. Each of the 20 clubs will get a two week break in February, staggered over four weeks so the TV broadcasters still have some matches to show. Everyone’s happy, right?

Far from it. I’ve had several arguments this week with people who seem incredulous at this highly sensible intermission in a long season. Here’s a summary of the sort of comments I’ve seen online:

• ‘They earn millions. Why do they need a break?’ – I don’t know if I’ve missed something, but how does earning a lot of money stop you getting tired?
• ‘They didn’t need a winter break in the good old days’ – they didn’t play as many matches back in the ‘good old days’. Even so, I’m sure the players would have loved a bit of a break. Most other leagues in Europe have one and players have been calling for one here for years.
• ‘It’s not even cold, they should man up’ – the break has got nothing at all to do with the weather. This is simply the best time to have the break. It keeps the precious festive fixture calendar in tact and comes just before the return of the European competitions.
• ‘I play for the Dog & Duck right through the winter. I don’t need a break’ – well done, Barry. I’m sure your fellow regulars at the local boozer love a kickabout on a Sunday morning, after your fry up and before your roast beef. But we’re talking about Premier League footballers here. Elite athletes who are expected to perform at their best all the time. It’s usually around this time of year that performances dip and muscle injuries become more common – don’t you think this would be a good time for a little break?

The manager makes a joke about a journalist’s phone going off in a press conference

I have had it ratified by at least three other people that I have what you would call a ‘good’ sense of humour. I am, indeed, a laugh. But I fail to see what is amusing about a football manager making a joke when a journalist’s phone rings in a press conference. It might have raised a bit of a smile at first but it’s happened too many times now. Yet, the video of the ‘hilarious’ moment will be posted online and we are all supposed to watch it.

VAR

I don’t feel like I have to explain this one. Get rid of it and bring the fun back.

What winds you up about football that you’d happily see the back of? Let me know by leaving a comment at the bottom of this article or by tweeting me on @ncfclee.