As you probably know by now, I write a column for the Eastern Daily Press. It’s about Norwich City FC and there are four of us who write one to be published in the paper on a Tuesday during the football season. We rotate, so I have one every four weeks.
When I realised that it would be my turn on Tuesday 1st February, thoughts turned to my dear old dad. On 1st February 2014, he passed away at the age of 69 from Alzheimer’s disease. He was a mad Norwich fan and is largely responsible for me supporting the club, so I thought it would be nice to dedicate my column to him.
Click here to read it now, and if you happen to be in a shop tomorrow you can read it in the paper as well.
In my younger days, I loved The Beano and The Dandy and my mum had both comics delivered to the house each week. I thought the smell of a fresh comic was one of the most intoxicating imaginable and was sold on their bright colours, gentle humour and simple charm.
I have a large, very heavy box under my bed right now containing pretty much every comic that ever came through the letterbox of my childhood home. When I feel like adult life is getting on top of me, which happens more often than it really should, I open the box and spend a while indulging myself in the innocence of youth.
It seems that my ‘golden’ period of receiving The Beano and The Dandy was between 1999 – the year I turned 7 – and 2003, when I was 11.
My box of comics
There’s a sort of running joke I have with a friend from when I was at university. We often talk about how we’re getting old and that our youth is well behind us. Well, we will both be 30 next birthday (him before me, I must add) which feels like something of a milestone but our chat about pipes, slippers and bowls of mashed up apple might be somewhat premature.
Still, looking back through my old comics, it’s hard not to smile at how dated these dear old things are. Here are a few examples.
This issue of The Beano, from December 2002, was giving away a free pack of stickers for your FA Premier League album. Collecting football stickers is still very much a thing, so nothing too bad so far, but look at the players used to advertise this brilliant giveaway! Dennis Bergkamp of Arsenal (retired in 2006), Paolo Di Canio of West Ham (now 53 years old) and Michael Owen of Liverpool (who left the Premier League to join Real Madrid two seasons later).
A 9-year-old can’t just fill his football sticker album up on an empty stomach, though. He’s got to have breakfast first. How about some Mornflake Oats? You can still buy them, though heaven knows when I last saw an advert for them. The bit that caught my eye was the statement that they are available at Somerfield. That particular chain of supermarkets was taken over by the Co-Op in 2009, and by 2012 all Somerfield stores had been rebranded to that of their new owners.
I’ve written before about how I’m not into films, but Disney’s Tarzan was one of the few that I have actually seen in the cinema. The film was released in October 1999, but by Christmas 2002 the character was back in an exciting new video game for… the GameBoy Advance. Released in the summer of 2001, the GameBoy Advance took games away from the bedroom and made them portable – for as long as the battery would last, that is. I never had one (I had the original GameBoy, which was in black and white).
I may not have had a GameBoy Advance but I did have a PlayStation 2. Pretty much everyone I knew who was my age between 2002 and 2006 had one, actually. There was one boy at school who had a GameCube – we all thought he was weird. The PS2 is still the best selling games console of all time (more than 155 million of them have been sold worldwide) but anyone who wasn’t lucky enough to own one in December 2002 had the chance to win one in this competition. Note how you can’t enter online, you’ve got to send your entry in by post.
Speaking of brilliant competitions, here’s another one. I don’t know if this still happens, but when I was a kid it seemed nearly everyone – boys especially – went through a stage where we’d spend that bit between getting home from school and going in for tea whizzing about on skateboards. I had one myself, but I was utterly useless at it and never did manage to pull off a single trick on it. Here the comic is giving away a skateboard. What could possibly make that prize better? By the skateboard having a photo of your favourite WWF wrestler on it, of course!
Yes, nowadays it’s the WWE that does wrestling, but until 2002 it was called the World Wrestling Federation. They were forced to change the name when they lost a court battle with the World Wildlife Fund. I swear I’m not making this up.
Those are just a few examples of how the last 20 years or so have changed the world, seen through the prism of British comics. Wow, does it make me wish I was 10 again. The comics still even have the little sticker on them that the newsagent would use to let the paper boy know where to deliver them. Simpler, happier times.
I don’t mind big crowds. They afford a certain anonymity, and I like that. I would prefer to be in a crowd than in a room with one other person. I’m used to them, too – I’ve had a season ticket at Norwich City for 13 years, I’ve seen the England cricket team a few times, I’ve been to a play-off final at Wembley.
On 4th March 2020 I went to see Norwich play Spurs at their magnificent new Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. There were 58,000 people there to see City win on penalties and progress to the FA Cup quarter finals. Covid-19 was most definitely around at that point – it had been over a month since the first confirmed case in the UK and businesses were starting to ask their employees how they would feel about working from home. But it would be another nineteen days before the country went into full lockdown.
There was no indication that it would be a full 503 days until I would be watching sport in the flesh again. On Tuesday 20th July, a day after almost all legal restrictions related to coronavirus had been lifted in England, I was at a packed Old Trafford cricket ground to see England play Pakistan in a T20 match.
I was unsure of how I’d feel about being back in a capacity crowd, but I was surprised how normal it felt. Getting into the ground, having walked from the hotel, was quick and easy. The only sign that there was a pandemic at all was the ground staff wearing masks. I wore mine when I was moving around the ground, having only had one vaccine dose so far it seemed a reasonable precaution. With mask wearing now a personal choice rather than a legal requirement, however, I was among a minority who donned a face covering. We were almost always outside and it was a scorching hot afternoon but it jarred a little, it must be said.
My mum, her partner and I had seats right on the back row of the top tier of the stand next to the pavilion so we didn’t have people breathing on the back of our necks for four hours, thankfully. The PA announcer gave semi-regular reminders to wash your hands, try to keep a safe distance from other people and respect their choices regarding face coverings but, again, without those you wouldn’t have even known what had been going on for the last eighteen months.
Old Trafford was full
There is a large population of British Asians in the north west and Old Trafford had a lot of Pakistan fans in attendance, proudly showing off their green shirts, waving the Pakistani flag and blowing horns at deafening volume. There can’t have been much difference in numbers between England and Pakistan supporters, and the Pakistan fans were certainly louder than their English counterparts. It made for a fantastic atmosphere and it got the intriguing game of cricket it deserved.
This game was the last in a series of three T20 matches between the two countries. The first, at Trent Bridge in Nottingham, was a very high scoring affair with England falling 31 runs short of chasing Pakistan’s mammoth 232-6. Liam Livingstone smashed 103 off just 43 balls, the fastest century for England in T20 Internationals, but it wasn’t quite enough. Headingley in Leeds was the venue for the second match, with England 200 all out with one ball remaining in their innings and defending it comfortably thanks to their spinners to win by 45 runs. That meant the Old Trafford match was a decider and a chance to see where both sides were at ahead of the World Cup that starts in October.
In case you didn’t know…
When you think of Old Trafford, you probably think of the home of Manchester United, but the football ground and cricket ground are different places. They are a short distance from each other, but the cricket ground was actually there first.
My mum was hoping to see sixes flying all over the place, but the pitch was slow and difficult to bat on. Pakistan won the toss and batted first, posting a total of 154-6. Wicketkeeper and opening batsman Mohammad Rizwan top scored with an unbeaten 76 but that took a relatively sedate 57 balls and it quickly became apparent that there was nothing in the pitch for the seamers. Most of the bowling was done by the spinners, with England’s Adil Rashid taking 4-35 from his four overs.
This sort of slow, dry, spinning pitch is just the sort of thing that England might have to play on in the World Cup, which is being held in the United Arab Emirates and Oman, so it is possible that such conditions were deliberately concocted to give them some experience of how to deal with them.
England’s opening batsman Jason Roy found it easier than most to find the boundary, scoring 64 from 36 balls with 12 fours and 1 six, an innings which proved decisive in the match and enough to earn Roy the player of the match award. Star man Jos Buttler couldn’t really get going – much to my mother’s chagrin – and whenever anyone tried to go big they were usually caught in the deep.
A wonderful sunset as a hot day came to an end
A regular fall of wickets left England behind the required run rate and needing 33 from 19 balls and 12 from 8 when the fifth wicket went down. Liam Livingstone, player of the series and Lancashire favourite, strode out and promptly whacked his first ball for six to put England back in the driving seat. He was caught next ball (also trying to hit it into next week) and the captain Eoin Morgan was still to go but the home team scrambled a two to seal victory with two balls to spare. Not a high scoring match, but a last over thriller satisfied the crowd.
Getting out of the ground was no problem as we stayed to watch the trophy presentation while most of the deflated Pakistan supporters were leaving. And that was that – my first sporting event attended in person since the pandemic began. It shouldn’t – and I really hope it isn’t – another 503 days before the next one.
England collect the trophy after winning the series 2-1
This morning, a major social media boycott by the world of sport came to an end.
Clubs and governing bodies from football, cricket, netball, rugby union and rugby league were joined by companies including Barclays and Adidas and broadcasters Sky Sports and BT Sport in not posting anything on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or YouTube between 3pm on Friday and 11:59pm on Monday.
The boycott took place with the aim of pressuring the social media companies into doing more to identify and punish people who post racist, sexist and homophobic messages on their platforms. The problem has been getting worse in recent months with several high profile cases highlighted by the media.
My team, Norwich City, were part of the boycott and encouraged their fans to join in – which I did. This meant that there was no official content from the club on the weekend it won the Championship title.
I see a lot of racist, sexist and homophobic messages online and, while I am a straight, white male, I find it very difficult to ignore and will often call people out on it. Usually it is because I am so astounded by some of the things they say that I feel the need for them to confirm that they really do mean the bile that they type. I am under no illusion that I can ‘talk them round’. I have written about sexism in sport in the past.
Some say that those on the receiving end of such abuse on social media should simply ignore, block or report it. I think that is the wrong stance. This pushes the responsibility onto the victim of the abuse rather than challenging those who write it in the first place. The fight against abuse has to be about changing attitudes, not simply keeping them quiet.
I hope this has helped to explain why the social media boycott was important and why I took part in it. No one involved expects online abuse to stop because of it, but if Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are shocked into action by a taste of what their platforms without the country’s biggest sports using them would be like then that can only be a good thing.
I have mentioned before that films aren’t really my thing. I’m not quite sure why that is. I struggle to suspend my disbelief for 90+ minutes and therefore find it difficult to feel involved in a film (but then I can do that no problem with a TV series), and while the big explosions and huge fight scenes might entertain a lot of people they tend to bore me. Michael Owen gets a lot of stick for feeling this way, but I’m totally with him.
As a result of this, I have seen a very short list of films so far. I was taken to the cinema as a child, mostly to see Disney animations as I recall, but you could name a huge number of ‘classics’ that I’ve never seen a single second of. I saw Blade Runner for the first time last year – purely because it was set in November 2019 and it was appropriately geeky in my eyes to watch it in November 2019. To be honest, I didn’t really see what the fuss was all about.
My favourite film is one that a lot of people probably haven’t heard of. It was released in 2011, following a premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival in September 2010. It’s called Submarine.
Submarine trailer
Submarine is not about submarines. The film is based on a novel by Joe Dunthorne, who wrote most of it while at the University of East Anglia doing a creative writing degree. I read the book after seeing the film and thoroughly enjoyed it – the big screen adaptation stayed remarkably true to the source material, and Dunthorne’s writing style was very readable.
The focus of Submarine is a 15-year-old boy, Oliver Tate, who is something of an outsider. No wonder I can relate to the character. You see, when I was at school there was usually one girl a year that I was completely besotted with. But I never told any of them – I never even tried to speak to them at all. I preferred to admire from afar. Oliver seems to take a similar approach, but plans his attempt to get together with the object of his desires, Jordana Bevan, with military precision.
Jordana Bevan (Yasmin Paige) and Oliver Tate (Craig Roberts) in Submarine
I don’t want to spoil it, I want you to go and watch it, so I won’t go too far into the story but it centres around Oliver and Jordana’s relationship, Oliver’s fears that his mother is having an affair, and Oliver’s reaction to a crisis in Jordana’s family. There are poignant moments but also some very funny ones (‘My mother is worried I have mental problems. I found a book about teenage paranoid delusions during a routine search of my parents’ bedroom.’)
The title is derived from a line in the book, a love letter Oliver sends Jordana, in which he states ‘you are the only person that I would allow to be shrunken down to a microscopic size and swim inside me in a tiny submersible machine’.
Richard Ayoade, who you may know as Moss from The IT Crowd, directed the film and did a fantastic job at rooting it in the book’s 1980s setting. I think it’s the feeling Ayoade creates that seals the deal for me in making this my favourite film.
Richard Ayoade directed the film
So, will you have heard of any of the cast? Well, Oliver is played by Craig Roberts, who first appeared in the kids’ TV show The Story of Tracey Beaker and also turned up in one of the later episodes of Skins. Noah Taylor, who plays Oliver’s father, has been in Game of Thrones and Peaky Blinders, his mother (Sally Hawkins) starred in The Shape of Water, and Jordana’s mother is played by Melanie Walters, best known for playing Stacey’s mum Gwen in Gavin & Stacey.
Submarine often pops up on streaming platforms, though at the time of writing is only available for rental or purchase. Click here for places to get it.
There’s a lot going on at the moment that can really get you down. If the coronavirus pandemic wasn’t enough, keeping us away from our family and friends, ruining our plans and making us worry, then the events in the US over the last week or so have only added to the load.
I am a big Twitter user. I find it useful to keep up with what’s going on, connect with a wide range of people and to try to get my writing seen. However, I find it really difficult to avoid getting into arguments on there. With the topic of race right back at the top of the world agenda, I’ve been coming to blows with some who I feel have truly abhorrent views.
To drag myself out of that particular tunnel I have started something called #GoodStuff, where I share things that have made me laugh, smile or simply made this whole situation easier to deal with over the last couple of months. Here are my first selections.
Mark Church’s Garden Cricket
When sport is your thing, a global virus pandemic bringing the whole thing to a sudden halt for a while is tough. Football and cricket are my two biggest loves and there hasn’t been any live action to watch in this country since March – except in Mark Church’s garden.
Mark Church is the cricket commentator for BBC London. Usually at this time of year he’d be busy reporting on all of Surrey’s matches, but the coronavirus has left him with a bit more time on his hands.
He’s been playing in his garden, against his garden furniture. A full schedule of five Test matches, five One Day Internationals and some upcoming Twenty20 games. Some might describe the whole thing as one man’s slow descent into insanity but, trust me, it will put a smile on your face.
This week I should have seen Blossoms supporting The Killers at Carrow Road, but that’s been rescheduled for next year for obvious reasons. I’ve been a fan of the Stockport band for a while and loved Foolish Loving Spaces, their third album, released in January.
They haven’t let the fact that they’ve been locked down in different places stop them making music, though. They have recorded some of their own songs and a few covers in isolation, and the results have been incredible.
My favourite is their cover of Tame Impala’s The Less I Know The Better, with Miles Kane from The Last Shadow Puppets. It sounds great, you’d never know they were recording their individual parts – and at one point drummer Joe Donovan plays a potato peeler. Have a listen.
Elis and John’s Isolation Tapes
I’ve been a big fan of Elis James and John Robins for about three years now. At the time, they presented the 1pm-4pm slot on a Saturday on Radio X and the start of their show would coincide with me driving home from work.
I really liked how the show was basically two mates having a chat. They talked about all kinds of stuff, and it never felt forced or fake. They’re both comedians by trade, Robins an Edinburgh festival fringe comedy award winner and James a proud Welshman who now does a lot of gigs in the Welsh language.
I started listening to the podcasts of their radio show and have done ever since. I went to see them at the UEA in 2018 when they released a book and did a tour of the country to promote it. At the end, I even got my copy signed!
My signed book
Last year they moved to BBC Radio 5 Live and during the pandemic they’ve been recording extra episodes called The Isolation Tapes. I’ve found them a wonderful slice of normality amidst the chaos.
It’s limbs in the studio as a box of brownies and a couple of books have lifted Elis out of a funk. What great news for bookworms with low blood sugar. But the internal glucose alarm isn’t the only one going off as a fire alert causes chaos. We also get psychological as the boys unpick the idea of the inner monologue, and with that the terrifying engine steering John under the bonnet. Would Freud enjoy this? Potentially. Would it frighten him? Almost certainly. And from brains to bodies, the show gets panned as the least erotic thing possible, whilst we have a couple of fantastically zoological Mad Dads.It’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293022 on WhatsApp if you’ve got any comments on the above. But please nothing too close to the erotic bone. Keep it PG.
It’s a fairly long running podcast (I was on episode 398) by the people who do the sports pages of the Eastern Daily Press and Norwich Evening News. The topic is all things Norwich City.
As I’ve been writing a regular column for those papers for the last five years they asked me to appear, and I was both delighted and terrified to be asked. I’m very comfortable with the written word but actually speaking with my voice fills me with dread. I knew I’d regret it if I turned them down though so I said yes and I’m glad that I did so.
Alongside the host – journalist David Freezer – I was on with the chairman of the Canaries Trust Robin Sainty and ex-Norwich player Darren Eadie. Esteemed company!
We discussed the proposals to resume the Premier League season that is currently suspended due to the coronavirus epidemic and our memories of our first Norwich City games.
Darren Eadie had something of a bee in his bonnet about the way the Professional Footballers’ Association (PFA) have been handling the crisis, and the things he said in the podcast turned out to be newsworthy enough to make the board outside my mum’s local shop!
You can listen to the podcast below, by clicking the link in the first sentence of this post or by searching for ‘The Pink Un’ where you usually get your podcasts (Apple, Google, Spotify, etc.)
We’re in the third week of lockdown. It’s a really weird time for everyone. By now, we’re starting to get used to the idea of staying in and finding new ways of doing things. I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve been doing to keep myself occupied and stop myself going stir crazy.
Film night
I have never been into films. I can watch hours and hours of sport but sitting in front of a film for two hours or so has never appealed to me. I’m a bit like Michael Owen. I haven’t been to the cinema since 2008 and even that was a sixth form trip to see a French thriller.
The lockdown and the consequent extra time at home, however, has given me the opportunity to watch the occasional film. Where I live we have a semi-regular film night where we sit and properly watch (no devices allowed) with some snacks. The most recent one we watched was 24 Hour Party People.
Games
What’s going on at the moment can make you feel helpless. The news is relentlessly depressing and there’s no end in sight to the pandemic. I’ve found it really helpful playing games. Games give you something to focus on, some achievable goals (as in you can’t stop the pandemic but you can win that game) and a form of escape.
There are three types of game I’ve been playing since this all started. In my house we’ve been playing games such as Uno and Bananagrams to give us all something to do together of an evening.
I’ve also been playing The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt on the PS4. It’s not the sort of game I’d usually play, but it features a massive open world that you can explore and that seems pretty appealing when you can’t really go anywhere in real life at the moment. Some might think it’s daft finding solace in computer games but apparently Salman Rushdie played a lot of Mario when he was in hiding and says it helped him through it.
A few times a week I also play FIFA or GTA with a friend of mine who lives in Cambridgeshire. We talk to each other over a headset while we play so there’s a healthy social aspect to our sessions, even if we are not very good at the games. The video below, for example, is my friend missing the most open of open goals.
A stay-at-home pub
My landlord and I like to go to the pub every now and again, but that’s obviously not possible at the moment so we’ve dedicated Wednesday nights to our very own stay-at-home pub. We’ve called it The Head In Hands.
We sit around the fire, have a couple of drinks and listen to music. Each week the music has a theme. Last week the theme was Brians (don’t ask) and this week it was originals that are less famous than their cover versions. One great example is Gloria Jones, who recorded Tainted Love nearly two decades before Soft Cell had a number one hit with it.
What these themed nights are doing is giving me a way to mark the days of the week instead of allowing them all to blur into one boring mess. They’re keeping me social and broadening my horizons. I recommend everyone give them a try.
A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.
Unknown
There have been two major additions to my life in the last five years.
One, taking up walking. Following trails, exploring new places and getting different perspectives of scenes familiar from the window of a car. Walking has subconsciously kept me reasonably fit and healthy, both mentally and physically. I used to do a lot of walking alone, usually on old railway lines. I am also often joined by my mum, who I have a bit of fun with by interviewing her at the end of one of our adventures. Nowadays, I tend to be joined on my walks by the second major addition to my life: friends.
Walking in the Norfolk countryside offers some stunning scenery
I will readily admit that I have never found forming friendships easy. I am crippled by self doubt – I am not good enough, not worthy of anyone’s attention. I had a few school friends, as must of us do, and at university I had one friend that helped make being in a new town that bit easier. I am glad to say that friendship remains, albeit long distance, today.
But in the last few years I have found myself with what I believe are the best group of friends anyone could wish for. Four people who I have laughed with, shared with and tackled life’s hurdles with. They have made me a better person. It’s not exaggerating to say that my life has been utterly changed by them.
One of these friends, Katie, is my regular walking buddy. We’ve been heading out with her dog Oscar for more than two years now, exploring the Norfolk countryside. Walking with someone else is now such a desirable thing for me that I find walking alone dull. Katie and I have mostly used the disused railway lines towards the north of Norfolk to chew the fat, have a laugh and talk over something that’s bothering us.
Oscar was yawning before we had even set off
Our walks are usually between four and six miles, but on a few occasions we have gone, quite literally, the extra mile. In early 2018 we walked from Aylsham to North Walsham and back, a distance of 14 miles, and later on in that year we did a 10 miler.
Yesterday, we did the Aylsham to North Walsham trek again, this time learning from the errors we had made the first time around. We made sure we had enough fluids with us to avoid becoming as dehydrated, Katie had organised for her mum and her daughter to be waiting at the halfway point so we could have a ‘pit stop’ of sandwiches, and Katie also went through three pairs of socks and two pairs of boots in an effort to avoid the blister hell her wet feet had caused her the first time.
Oscar enjoys the walks as much as we do
The weather was just about perfect for the occasion – dry, not too hot and not too cold. We had been building up to this with several walks in the weeks before so we were in decent shape to hammer through the miles.
Four hours and forty nine minutes after we had set off, we had done it.
When we had told people what we were planning, the most common question was ‘why?’.
My column for the Eastern Daily Press and Norwich Evening News this time tracks a Saturday following the fortunes of Norwich City FC from the comfort of my own home.
LEE PAYNE 