LEE PAYNE

Tag: lee

  • Looking through my box of comics and feeling old

    In my younger days, I loved The Beano and The Dandy and my mum had both comics delivered to the house each week. I thought the smell of a fresh comic was one of the most intoxicating imaginable and was sold on their bright colours, gentle humour and simple charm.

    I have a large, very heavy box under my bed right now containing pretty much every comic that ever came through the letterbox of my childhood home. When I feel like adult life is getting on top of me, which happens more often than it really should, I open the box and spend a while indulging myself in the innocence of youth.

    It seems that my ‘golden’ period of receiving The Beano and The Dandy was between 1999 – the year I turned 7 – and 2003, when I was 11.

    My box of comics

    There’s a sort of running joke I have with a friend from when I was at university. We often talk about how we’re getting old and that our youth is well behind us. Well, we will both be 30 next birthday (him before me, I must add) which feels like something of a milestone but our chat about pipes, slippers and bowls of mashed up apple might be somewhat premature.

    Still, looking back through my old comics, it’s hard not to smile at how dated these dear old things are. Here are a few examples.

    This issue of The Beano, from December 2002, was giving away a free pack of stickers for your FA Premier League album. Collecting football stickers is still very much a thing, so nothing too bad so far, but look at the players used to advertise this brilliant giveaway! Dennis Bergkamp of Arsenal (retired in 2006), Paolo Di Canio of West Ham (now 53 years old) and Michael Owen of Liverpool (who left the Premier League to join Real Madrid two seasons later).

    A 9-year-old can’t just fill his football sticker album up on an empty stomach, though. He’s got to have breakfast first. How about some Mornflake Oats? You can still buy them, though heaven knows when I last saw an advert for them. The bit that caught my eye was the statement that they are available at Somerfield. That particular chain of supermarkets was taken over by the Co-Op in 2009, and by 2012 all Somerfield stores had been rebranded to that of their new owners.

    I’ve written before about how I’m not into films, but Disney’s Tarzan was one of the few that I have actually seen in the cinema. The film was released in October 1999, but by Christmas 2002 the character was back in an exciting new video game for… the GameBoy Advance. Released in the summer of 2001, the GameBoy Advance took games away from the bedroom and made them portable – for as long as the battery would last, that is. I never had one (I had the original GameBoy, which was in black and white).

    I may not have had a GameBoy Advance but I did have a PlayStation 2. Pretty much everyone I knew who was my age between 2002 and 2006 had one, actually. There was one boy at school who had a GameCube – we all thought he was weird. The PS2 is still the best selling games console of all time (more than 155 million of them have been sold worldwide) but anyone who wasn’t lucky enough to own one in December 2002 had the chance to win one in this competition. Note how you can’t enter online, you’ve got to send your entry in by post.

    Speaking of brilliant competitions, here’s another one. I don’t know if this still happens, but when I was a kid it seemed nearly everyone – boys especially – went through a stage where we’d spend that bit between getting home from school and going in for tea whizzing about on skateboards. I had one myself, but I was utterly useless at it and never did manage to pull off a single trick on it. Here the comic is giving away a skateboard. What could possibly make that prize better? By the skateboard having a photo of your favourite WWF wrestler on it, of course!

    Yes, nowadays it’s the WWE that does wrestling, but until 2002 it was called the World Wrestling Federation. They were forced to change the name when they lost a court battle with the World Wildlife Fund. I swear I’m not making this up.

    Those are just a few examples of how the last 20 years or so have changed the world, seen through the prism of British comics. Wow, does it make me wish I was 10 again. The comics still even have the little sticker on them that the newsagent would use to let the paper boy know where to deliver them. Simpler, happier times.

    If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading.

  • I went to a sporting event for the first time since the pandemic began

    Me, mum and Dave at the cricket

    I don’t mind big crowds. They afford a certain anonymity, and I like that. I would prefer to be in a crowd than in a room with one other person. I’m used to them, too – I’ve had a season ticket at Norwich City for 13 years, I’ve seen the England cricket team a few times, I’ve been to a play-off final at Wembley.

    On 4th March 2020 I went to see Norwich play Spurs at their magnificent new Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. There were 58,000 people there to see City win on penalties and progress to the FA Cup quarter finals. Covid-19 was most definitely around at that point – it had been over a month since the first confirmed case in the UK and businesses were starting to ask their employees how they would feel about working from home. But it would be another nineteen days before the country went into full lockdown.

    There was no indication that it would be a full 503 days until I would be watching sport in the flesh again. On Tuesday 20th July, a day after almost all legal restrictions related to coronavirus had been lifted in England, I was at a packed Old Trafford cricket ground to see England play Pakistan in a T20 match.

    I was unsure of how I’d feel about being back in a capacity crowd, but I was surprised how normal it felt. Getting into the ground, having walked from the hotel, was quick and easy. The only sign that there was a pandemic at all was the ground staff wearing masks. I wore mine when I was moving around the ground, having only had one vaccine dose so far it seemed a reasonable precaution. With mask wearing now a personal choice rather than a legal requirement, however, I was among a minority who donned a face covering. We were almost always outside and it was a scorching hot afternoon but it jarred a little, it must be said.

    My mum, her partner and I had seats right on the back row of the top tier of the stand next to the pavilion so we didn’t have people breathing on the back of our necks for four hours, thankfully. The PA announcer gave semi-regular reminders to wash your hands, try to keep a safe distance from other people and respect their choices regarding face coverings but, again, without those you wouldn’t have even known what had been going on for the last eighteen months.

    Old Trafford was full

    There is a large population of British Asians in the north west and Old Trafford had a lot of Pakistan fans in attendance, proudly showing off their green shirts, waving the Pakistani flag and blowing horns at deafening volume. There can’t have been much difference in numbers between England and Pakistan supporters, and the Pakistan fans were certainly louder than their English counterparts. It made for a fantastic atmosphere and it got the intriguing game of cricket it deserved.

    This game was the last in a series of three T20 matches between the two countries. The first, at Trent Bridge in Nottingham, was a very high scoring affair with England falling 31 runs short of chasing Pakistan’s mammoth 232-6. Liam Livingstone smashed 103 off just 43 balls, the fastest century for England in T20 Internationals, but it wasn’t quite enough. Headingley in Leeds was the venue for the second match, with England 200 all out with one ball remaining in their innings and defending it comfortably thanks to their spinners to win by 45 runs. That meant the Old Trafford match was a decider and a chance to see where both sides were at ahead of the World Cup that starts in October.

    In case you didn’t know…

    When you think of Old Trafford, you probably think of the home of Manchester United, but the football ground and cricket ground are different places. They are a short distance from each other, but the cricket ground was actually there first.

    My mum was hoping to see sixes flying all over the place, but the pitch was slow and difficult to bat on. Pakistan won the toss and batted first, posting a total of 154-6. Wicketkeeper and opening batsman Mohammad Rizwan top scored with an unbeaten 76 but that took a relatively sedate 57 balls and it quickly became apparent that there was nothing in the pitch for the seamers. Most of the bowling was done by the spinners, with England’s Adil Rashid taking 4-35 from his four overs.

    This sort of slow, dry, spinning pitch is just the sort of thing that England might have to play on in the World Cup, which is being held in the United Arab Emirates and Oman, so it is possible that such conditions were deliberately concocted to give them some experience of how to deal with them.

    England’s opening batsman Jason Roy found it easier than most to find the boundary, scoring 64 from 36 balls with 12 fours and 1 six, an innings which proved decisive in the match and enough to earn Roy the player of the match award. Star man Jos Buttler couldn’t really get going – much to my mother’s chagrin – and whenever anyone tried to go big they were usually caught in the deep.

    A wonderful sunset as a hot day came to an end

    A regular fall of wickets left England behind the required run rate and needing 33 from 19 balls and 12 from 8 when the fifth wicket went down. Liam Livingstone, player of the series and Lancashire favourite, strode out and promptly whacked his first ball for six to put England back in the driving seat. He was caught next ball (also trying to hit it into next week) and the captain Eoin Morgan was still to go but the home team scrambled a two to seal victory with two balls to spare. Not a high scoring match, but a last over thriller satisfied the crowd.

    Getting out of the ground was no problem as we stayed to watch the trophy presentation while most of the deflated Pakistan supporters were leaving. And that was that – my first sporting event attended in person since the pandemic began. It shouldn’t – and I really hope it isn’t – another 503 days before the next one.

    England collect the trophy after winning the series 2-1

    All photos in this post were taken by me.

  • This week, I’ve been on a podcast

    This week I was a guest on The Pink Un Norwich City Podcast.

    It’s a fairly long running podcast (I was on episode 398) by the people who do the sports pages of the Eastern Daily Press and Norwich Evening News. The topic is all things Norwich City.

    As I’ve been writing a regular column for those papers for the last five years they asked me to appear, and I was both delighted and terrified to be asked. I’m very comfortable with the written word but actually speaking with my voice fills me with dread. I knew I’d regret it if I turned them down though so I said yes and I’m glad that I did so.

    Alongside the host – journalist David Freezer – I was on with the chairman of the Canaries Trust Robin Sainty and ex-Norwich player Darren Eadie. Esteemed company!

    We discussed the proposals to resume the Premier League season that is currently suspended due to the coronavirus epidemic and our memories of our first Norwich City games.

    Darren Eadie had something of a bee in his bonnet about the way the Professional Footballers’ Association (PFA) have been handling the crisis, and the things he said in the podcast turned out to be newsworthy enough to make the board outside my mum’s local shop!

    You can listen to the podcast below, by clicking the link in the first sentence of this post or by searching for ‘The Pink Un’ where you usually get your podcasts (Apple, Google, Spotify, etc.)

  • England in South Africa – preview

    England’s tour of New Zealand was a bit of a let down. It was a much anticipated first meeting of the two teams since the World Cup final, the sides evenly matched and now rivals full of mutual respect. The series of five T20s, however, was four too many. I understand that preparations for next autumn’s T20 World Cup are now the focus but five felt like too much.

    The tourists rested most of their biggest names for those white ball matches and went with fresh faces. There was no Jos Buttler, Jason Roy or Jofra Archer to name just three, but there was Tom Banton, Pat Brown and Saqib Mahmood. While it was intriguing to see how these youngsters got on, it left the T20s without that star quality – especially as New Zealand were without their captain Kane Williamson, who was injured.

    Somerset youngster Tom Banton got his first chance to impress in England colours in New Zealand

    The cricket was good, to be fair. England won the first game, then their inexperienced bowlers suffered and they found themselves 2-1 down. Dawid Malan then scored the fastest T20I century by an Englishman, smashing an unbeaten 103 from 51 balls, and leg spinner Matt Parkinson took four wickets on his debut to level the series.

    After the drama at Lord’s in July, incredibly, the last match ended in a tie. Reduced to 11 overs a side in Auckland due to rain, both teams scored 146. This time the Super Over was decisive, with England comfortable winners.

    New Zealand’s Jimmy Neesham couldn’t believe it when another match against England went to a Super Over in Auckland

    There were only two Tests, which is never enough but especially not when it’s England versus New Zealand. The Black Caps have become a very fine Test team in recent years and deserve at least three matches against the ‘marquee’ sides. Reportedly the New Zealand board lose money when they host Test matches, which rather forces their hand unfortunately. Neither of the Tests were part of the World Test Championship either, which gave the whole series the feel of a warm up for bigger things to come.

    As beautiful as the cricket grounds of New Zealand are, the pitches prepared did not provide a great advertisement for Test cricket. The Bay Oval in Mount Maunganui hosted its first Test match but saw the hosts bat for 200 overs and then dismiss England for 197 to win by an innings. A week later in Hamilton the England captain Joe Root made a very welcome return to form with 226 but rain and a placid surface meant New Zealand easily played out a draw and took the series 1-0.

    New Zealand wicketkeeper BJ Watling batted for 11 hours in scoring 205 in the first Test against England

    Williamson’s men were using the series to prepare for crossing the Tasman, as they had been given the rare opportunity to have a proper go at Australia. For the first time in more than thirty years New Zealand will be part of the Boxing Day Test at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The Aussies are resurgent at the moment and thrashed them by 296 runs in Perth – it remains to be seen if they can bounce back from that.

    England will be playing on Boxing Day as well, in Centurion in the first Test against South Africa. It feels like a properly big series, this one. Four Tests, two well matched sides, playing at grounds that have produced exciting cricket over the last few years. For the TV spectator back home, the time difference between the UK and South Africa means the first ball of each day’s play will be bowled at either 8am or 8.30am. Wonderful. Especially when the New Zealand games were real through-the-night affairs.

    Jimmy Anderson, England’s all time leading Test wicket taker, looks set to return to the team after a year blighted by injury. He has not bowled a ball for his country since limping off after sending down four overs on the first day of the Ashes at Edgbaston in August. It would be great to see him back. The tourists will also hope that Root’s double hundred in his last outing means the skipper has turned a corner, as well as that Jofra Archer can bowl at his quickest once again.

    Jimmy Anderson is fit and ready to return for England in South Africa

    South Africa have been in chaos off the field. Among other things their board’s chief executive was suspended following allegations of misconduct, their players were apparently considering going on strike over a breach of commercial rights and a number of sponsors announced they would be ending their association with Cricket South Africa, raising concerns about the board’s financial security.

    The team itself were recently hammered in a Test series in India, and earlier this year were surprisingly beaten at home by Sri Lanka. Former captain Graeme Smith is now interim director of cricket and has appointed his former wicketkeeper Mark Boucher as coach so the Proteas will be hoping some form of stability at the top will enable the team to be somewhere near their best against England.

    It should be a fascinating series. I can’t wait.

  • Listen To This: Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness

    Well the weather is cruel
    And the season of Yule lifts the heart but it still hurts
    You’ve got your career spent the best part of last year apart and it still hurts
    So that’s why I pray each and every Christmas day that it won’t end

    Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness

    I’m no Scrooge, but Christmas isn’t my favourite time of year. I always struggle to decide what presents to buy, I’m not keen on turkey and that weird week between Christmas Day and New Year messes with my head.

    This is also the tenth Christmas period I will spend working in a supermarket. As soon as we are into December the dreaded Christmas music starts getting pumped through the PA system. The same few festive pop hits, the ones we hear every year, joined by dreary choral gibberish. Over the course of two shifts, I must have heard at least ten different versions of Santa Baby.

    If only they would add what I consider to be the best Christmas song of them all to the playlist – Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness.

    There’s a chance you might have forgotten about The Darkness by now. They were briefly massive in the early 2000s when their debut album Permission to Land went to number one, led by the single I Believe in a Thing Called Love. In 2004 they won three BRIT awards, including Best British Group. For us here in the east of England, the band had added significance by hailing from humble Lowestoft.

    The Darkness

    In the build up to Christmas 2003, The Darkness released Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) – and it was a breath of fresh air. Kicking off with a heavy guitar riff, the lyrics are delivered in falsetto style by frontman Justin Hawkins. They almost sound upbeat, but if you listen closely they are tinged with sadness – he only sees his lover at Christmas, and he doesn’t want it to end and her to go away again.

    Those lyrics might just be a reason we don’t hear the song alongside Slade, Wizzard and Chris Rea every year. As Hawkins put it:

    We managed to get bellend into a Christmas song without it getting banned!

    Justin Hawkins, The Darkness

    Yep, they knew exactly what they were doing.

    The song was in the race for Christmas number one in 2003 but came in at number two behind the utterly miserable Mad World cover by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules. It was accompanied by a hilarious video in which every single Christmassy thing anyone can think of was packed into 3 minutes and 41 seconds, then topped off by Hawkins shouting ‘BELLS END!’ in front of a choir of children.

    As for The Darkness, Hawkins left the band in 2006 after finishing rehab for cocaine and alcohol abuse. He and his former bandmates were involved with new, separate projects before The Darkness reformed in 2011. They released a new album in October this year – but it’s safe to say the glory days are in the past.

    But I urge you to make this song a part of every Christmas from now on – it’s the perfect antidote to the musical crimes that have been committed at this ‘most wonderful time of the year’.

  • We walked 14 miles… because we wanted to

    We walked 14 miles… because we wanted to

    A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.

    Unknown

    There have been two major additions to my life in the last five years.

    One, taking up walking. Following trails, exploring new places and getting different perspectives of scenes familiar from the window of a car. Walking has subconsciously kept me reasonably fit and healthy, both mentally and physically. I used to do a lot of walking alone, usually on old railway lines. I am also often joined by my mum, who I have a bit of fun with by interviewing her at the end of one of our adventures. Nowadays, I tend to be joined on my walks by the second major addition to my life: friends.

    Walking in the Norfolk countryside offers some stunning scenery

    I will readily admit that I have never found forming friendships easy. I am crippled by self doubt – I am not good enough, not worthy of anyone’s attention. I had a few school friends, as must of us do, and at university I had one friend that helped make being in a new town that bit easier. I am glad to say that friendship remains, albeit long distance, today.

    But in the last few years I have found myself with what I believe are the best group of friends anyone could wish for. Four people who I have laughed with, shared with and tackled life’s hurdles with. They have made me a better person. It’s not exaggerating to say that my life has been utterly changed by them.

    One of these friends, Katie, is my regular walking buddy. We’ve been heading out with her dog Oscar for more than two years now, exploring the Norfolk countryside. Walking with someone else is now such a desirable thing for me that I find walking alone dull. Katie and I have mostly used the disused railway lines towards the north of Norfolk to chew the fat, have a laugh and talk over something that’s bothering us.

    Oscar was yawning before we had even set off

    Our walks are usually between four and six miles, but on a few occasions we have gone, quite literally, the extra mile. In early 2018 we walked from Aylsham to North Walsham and back, a distance of 14 miles, and later on in that year we did a 10 miler.

    Yesterday, we did the Aylsham to North Walsham trek again, this time learning from the errors we had made the first time around. We made sure we had enough fluids with us to avoid becoming as dehydrated, Katie had organised for her mum and her daughter to be waiting at the halfway point so we could have a ‘pit stop’ of sandwiches, and Katie also went through three pairs of socks and two pairs of boots in an effort to avoid the blister hell her wet feet had caused her the first time.

    Oscar enjoys the walks as much as we do

    The weather was just about perfect for the occasion – dry, not too hot and not too cold. We had been building up to this with several walks in the weeks before so we were in decent shape to hammer through the miles.

    Four hours and forty nine minutes after we had set off, we had done it.

    When we had told people what we were planning, the most common question was ‘why?’.

    Well – why not?

  • This is how England could win back the Ashes

    Craig Overton was the last man out at Old Trafford as Australia retained the Ashes

    Australia arrived in England as holders of the Ashes urn and will leave with it still in their possession. Taking the last of the eight wickets they needed to win on the final day of the Old Trafford Test saw them go 2-1 up in what has been a thrilling series with one match left to play.

    The England team captained by Andrew Strauss in 2010-11 was the last visiting side to claim the urn. Should they avoid defeat at The Oval, Australia will have won an Ashes series in England for the first time since 2001 and in doing so inflict England’s first defeat in any home Test series since 2014.

    This is how England can go about winning the Ashes back next time.

    Read the rest of this article on Read Cricket.

  • Newspaper column: Tuesday 3rd September 2019

    My column for the Eastern Daily Press and Norwich Evening News this time tracks a Saturday following the fortunes of Norwich City FC from the comfort of my own home.

    Click here to read it

  • Newspaper column: Friday 9th August 2019

    My first column of the new football season was published in the Pink Un pullout, inside the Norwich Evening News and Eastern Daily Press, on Friday.

    I tried to call on my fellow Norwich City fans to stick with the team this season, even when life in the Premier League is tough. I also made my predictions for the season.

    The column can also be read online by clicking here.

  • Beckham’s World Cup heartbreak means he must rethink his retirement plans

    David Beckham last night, going down in a heap after suffering Achilles damage that will force him out of the World Cup. The injury could mean the end of his 115-cap England career.

    Laying in bed this morning, semi-conscious minutes after being woken up by the BBC Radio Norfolk newsreader, I felt a sudden sadness when I learned that David Beckham would not be going to the World Cup. I felt sorry for him. He never strikes me as being the most intelligent of people – a friend of mine at school used to love telling me Beckham once answered an interview question with the phrase ‘I wasn’t teached that way’ – but then he doesn’t need to be. Not in the academic sense anyway. From what I have seen of him on the TV, Beckham is a genius with a football. He is unrivalled when it comes to crossing or passing the ball. Not to mention his mesmerising free kicks, works of art in accuracy and precision. Some say his legs had gone, but an England squad with David Beckham in it is better than one without.

    Hard work is something that Beckham doesn’t shy away from either. He was Sven’s England captain, but Steve McLaren had the guts to leave him out of the team (others might argue this was just another of McLaren’s misguided actions). ‘Becks’ earned his way back in, and was it not for his pin-point crosses England’s Wembley defeat to Croatia that made certain of their no-show at Euro 2008 would have been even more embarrassing.

    The much more masterful Fabio Capello omitted Beckham from some of his squads too, wary of the quality of football the ex-Manchester United midfielder was participating in at the Los Angeles Galaxy. Far from admitting defeat as he approached his mid-30s, Beckham was prepared to strain his club relations for the sake of his country, organising a spring loan move to AC Milan. Don’t let the cynics make you believe that this was purely because his Spice Girl wife Victoria wanted a taste of fashionable Italy. Beckham moved to Serie A to keep his World Cup dream alive.

    Now into his second spell at San Siro, it hasn’t been perfect for the 34-year-old. He has never been the leading star, often being forced to settle for substitute appearances, but when he came on Beckham still oozed an aura of class. This was a player not to be taken lightly. This was a player who commanded respect. In the last month he was put into the shade by the future of English football itself, Wayne Rooney, but on current form anyone would be. It wasn’t as much of a ‘that was the old, this is the new’ showing as some pundits are warbling on about. He had his own doubts about his chances of boarding the plane for South Africa this summer, but the general consensus was he would be there, and he had earned the right to be there.

    It turns out, unfortunately, that these talking points are ultimately trivial. Last night Beckham broke down playing for Milan against Chievo. His manager Leonardo said the Londoner ‘knew immediately’ that his Achilles tendon was torn. TV pictures confirmed this, showing Beckham signalling a tear to the bench. Today, the injury that means he won’t be fit for the World Cup is headline news here, and heartbreaking news for Beckham himself.

    Who will replace David Beckham?

    James Milner, of Aston Villa, is my ideal choice to fill David Beckham's boots.

    Not only does Beckham have to rethink his plans after last night’s events, so does England manager Fabio Capello ahead of the World Cup, and possibly for after the tournament as well. Thankfully, there are a number of options. The obvious choice, Aaron Lennon of Tottenham, is facing his own injury battle and should he be fit, he might not be match-ready for the immense pressure and intense pace World Cup finals matches bring. Another possibility, one utilised by Capello previously, is Manchester City’s Shaun Wright Phillips, though his stuttered contract talks with the club he loves have been playing on his mind of late. Personally, I would punt for Aston Villa’s versatile James Milner, who has had a season to remember as one of the outstanding players in Martin O’Neill’s strong outfit. Still quite young, Milner’s career has seen him face tough times at Leeds United and Newcastle United, so he is more mature than most. A talented and strong player, not afraid to try a long shot, Milner looks to me to be the ideal midfielder to fill the sizeable void left by Beckham’s absence.

    Questions have now moved on to whether or not this would signal the end of David Beckham’s career. As I type, he is undergoing surgery in Finland to correct the injury. This would have been Beckham’s fourth World Cup – no Englishman has played at that many tournaments. It seems he will have to settle for three after all, a record to be proud of – only Bobby Moore and Peter Shilton have also played in as many World Cups for England as that. The swiftness with which Beckham has headed under the knife suggests he has not given up on his glittering career yet.

    Not that I am at all qualified to tell him what to do, but if David Beckham asked me for his advice, I would tell him this (and this has come about after some considerable thought). Retire from international football and come home for a swansong. Surgeons appear to be confident that they can get him playing football again. That’s good. I had convinced myself, prior to this awful news, that Beckham would draw the curtains on his career as a whole after this summer’s World Cup. Now he won’t be going, that would be a bad idea. He wouldn’t want it to end like this. It is important that England move on after the summer, though, and their plans in order to progress simply cannot include a veteran. Draw a line under your international career, Becks, and do it before you disappoint yourself trying to make it work again when you are fit.

    It would then be up to Beckham to sign off in the best possible way. Come home, back to play in front of the people who love you (the same people who hated you in 1998). I highly doubt Manchester United would take such a step to bring him back. Certainly not with Ferguson in charge. That’s just not how they work. It is without doubt, though, that Beckham could still cut it in the Premier League. How about at one of the clubs currently jostling for the coveted fourth place? Tottenham Hotspur? Aston Villa? Everton? A couple of seasons, dazzling performances, glory achieved before taking a step back as one of this country’s greats. I don’t want to go too far forward, but just in time for a cushy media job at Euro 2012?

    Think about it, Becks. You know it makes sense.