LEE PAYNE

Tag: project

  • I Write Wednesday #7 – ‘oversharing and its bitter aftertaste’

    I Write Wednesday #7 – ‘oversharing and its bitter aftertaste’

    The slightly prententious title to this week’s piece is not me trying to come across all earnest – it’s actually a lyric from the Arctic Monkeys song Anyways (which you can listen to below).

    I’ll be honest, I have been finding things a bit difficult recently. My anxiety remains, thankfully, at arm’s length but it is its ugly brother depression that’s been gathering in a cloud over me.

    That voice inside my head has been getting louder. ‘You’re useless’. ‘No one likes you’. ‘God, you’re such a loner’. I’ve been trying to use the techniques I was taught during my CBT sessions to shut that voice out, but it’s been difficult. Things came to a head on Sunday when work felt like an almost impossible task. I wasn’t fit for human consumption. I hid myself away in the kiosk. On the positive side, with some help, I got through it and was much better on Monday and Tuesday. But it can be jarring to think that the darkness can encroach at any moment. You’re never safe from it.

    So much for Project Happy, eh? Well, anyway, that can wait for now. The best thing I can do is look after myself right now and tackle it again when I’m feeling brighter.

    A book I recommend: I don’t read a lot of fiction but recently I’ve been engrossed in Danny Wallace’s 2012 novel Charlotte Street. I found it in a charity shop. The protagonist, Jason, sees a girl drop what she was carrying onto the pavement while she’s getting into a taxi and stops to help pick her things up. They exchange a lingering smile, then the taxi drives away. But Jason doesn’t notice that he’s still holding something of hers – a disposable camera. And from there an obsession begins!

    A song I’m into: Stockport indie band Blossoms released their new single this week, a collaboration with Jungle called ‘What Can I Say After I’m Sorry?’ – the video for it features Everton manager Sean Dyche. Yep. I’ve been playing it on repeat since it came out and constantly have the chorus stuck in my head. Listen below!

    If you’ve made it this far, thanks very much for reading and I’ll see you again soon.

  • I Write Wednesday #6 – I’m a normal, functioning member of society and there’s nothing anyone can do about it

    I Write Wednesday #6 – I’m a normal, functioning member of society and there’s nothing anyone can do about it

    Project Happy update

    The last few days at work have been the first time in a long time that I’ve felt on top of everything. Last night, in particular, we got everything done with time to spare. It felt good. I also really like nearly all the people I work with, and don’t want to leave them right now, so for the moment I haven’t applied for any more jobs. Project Happy continues in other areas, which I will explain at another time.

    What I’ve been up to

    The other Saturday I went to the Maids Head Hotel in Norwich for a former colleague’s retirement/birthday afternoon tea. I love the fact that I’m still invited to these things despite leaving two-and-a-half years ago. I was the only bloke there, surrounded as I was by 13 women, but then that’s kind of my life isn’t it? (That was a joke)

    It was a good afternoon, actually, even if this photo makes it look like I’ve nodded off with my finger up my nose. The food was good, the company was good. Hopefully they’ll keep inviting me to their social events!

    Fast forward a week, and I went to Norwich’s game against Bristol City with my friend Gavin – the one who made me walk 7 miles. I’m actually giving up my season ticket at Carrow Road after this season, and with this the penultimate home league game we sat in the River End, opposite my usual position in the Barclay, for the 1-1 draw. Norwich didn’t really turn up against a side that had nothing to play for and missed the chance to move up to 5th. Never mind. It’s Swansea at Carrow Road this weekend. Here’s me and Gavin looking like a couple of hunks:

    The faces were deliberate. Well, mine was, anyway…

    I had forgotten how good these songs were

    Here are a couple of songs that I recommend to you this week, two that I hadn’t listened to for a while and had forgotten just how good they were.

    First, Soft Cell’s 1981 no.4 hit Bedsitter:

    And second, The Jam’s The Bitterest Pill (I Ever Had To Swallow) from 1982.

    Short and sweet. Thanks for reading.

  • I Write Wednesday #5 – 7 mile walk, derby day delight and blimey, don’t Tesco make a lot of money?

    I Write Wednesday #5 – 7 mile walk, derby day delight and blimey, don’t Tesco make a lot of money?

    Hello again. This Wednesday I’m going to tell you everything I have on my mind in a handy bullet point format:

    • In pursuit of Project Happy, I applied for a job last week and had an interview. I liked it and thought it went well, but didn’t get it. That’s fine, it was a good experience. I still have a job to go to while I search.
    • My friend Gavin, whom I met at university and bonded with over a shared hatred of shorthand lessons, went for a light stroll last week and ended up walking 7 miles. The orange juice and lemonade I had at Wetherspoons afterwards had never tasted so good. In future, I must wear proper walking boots and never again let him plan the route. Photos below.
    • Saturday was the East Anglian Derby, the football match that I love and hate in equal measure. I love it because there is no better feeling than seeing Norwich beat Ipswich but the thought of losing to that lot sickens me. Thankfully, Norwich won 1-0 thanks to a cracking free kick from Marcelino Nunez. I sat downstairs from my usual seat, with my mum and her posse of nutters, and the atmosphere was electric. A day that will live long in the memory.
    • Tesco announced their latest financial results this morning and they caught my eye. They made £2.3 billion in pre-tax profit in the year to 24th February, up from an already half-decent £882m the previous year. Dear old Sainsbury’s is the UK’s second biggest supermarket chain by market share, but in last year’s results made less than half as much money. Sainsbury’s will reveal this year’s results on 25th April. There’s no excuse for Tesco not to drop their prices now, right? Or pay their staff more money?
    Gavin and I got so fed up with walking that we checked bus times. It never arrived, so we carried on.
    The view from my seat at the East Anglian Derby
    Mum looking sharp for the derby
    Caught by the Sky cameras at the football
    ‘I swear, I’ll walk out into that road’
    The route Gavin and I took

  • This week, I’ve been on a podcast

    This week I was a guest on The Pink Un Norwich City Podcast.

    It’s a fairly long running podcast (I was on episode 398) by the people who do the sports pages of the Eastern Daily Press and Norwich Evening News. The topic is all things Norwich City.

    As I’ve been writing a regular column for those papers for the last five years they asked me to appear, and I was both delighted and terrified to be asked. I’m very comfortable with the written word but actually speaking with my voice fills me with dread. I knew I’d regret it if I turned them down though so I said yes and I’m glad that I did so.

    Alongside the host – journalist David Freezer – I was on with the chairman of the Canaries Trust Robin Sainty and ex-Norwich player Darren Eadie. Esteemed company!

    We discussed the proposals to resume the Premier League season that is currently suspended due to the coronavirus epidemic and our memories of our first Norwich City games.

    Darren Eadie had something of a bee in his bonnet about the way the Professional Footballers’ Association (PFA) have been handling the crisis, and the things he said in the podcast turned out to be newsworthy enough to make the board outside my mum’s local shop!

    You can listen to the podcast below, by clicking the link in the first sentence of this post or by searching for ‘The Pink Un’ where you usually get your podcasts (Apple, Google, Spotify, etc.)