My favourite band, Arctic Monkeys, released their first new material in more than four years this week.
There’d Better Be A Mirrorball is the first single to be released from their new album, The Car, which is out on 21st October.
The Sheffield band spent some time recording last summer at the 14th century Butley Priory in Suffolk. People there said: “Being serenaded while watering and weeding the garden, listening to the double bass, drums and piano wafting out of the open double doors, was pretty nice.”
I’ve been playing the new song on repeat since it was released, and when I haven’t it has been running through my mind like a particularly voracious earworm. The word I would use to describe it is sumptuous – there are so many layers to enjoy. Alex Turner’s voice sounds better than ever, deep and brooding, with the strings giving it Bond theme vibes. Lyrically, it’s a break up song; I’ve heard it described as “Mardy Bum for grown ups”. Here are my favourite lines:
Arctic Monkeys played their first gig since 2019 in Istanbul, Turkey at the beginning of August and made their way across Europe performing mainly at festivals before headlining Reading + Leeds Festival last weekend. You can see highlights of their set here.
The photos above are just a snapshot of my bedroom, which since being redecorated recently has become something of an Arctic Monkeys shrine. Now you’ve seen those, you’ll hopefully understand that for me the release of new music from them is like Christmas. I already know what will be the soundtrack to my autumn.
A reminder: cricket is the best sport in the world. I feel it worth reminding everyone because I’m about to spend a few minutes chewing my nails about its current state and future direction.
If you’re not a dedicated follower of the game, you would be forgiven for thinking that all is well and that cricket is entering the national consciousness more than it has done for some time. You may have noticed that BBC Two have shown a couple of matches from the first week of the Hundred tournament, and that cricket has also been a part of the Birmingham 2022 Commonwealth Games.
The Hundred is controversial because, while its outward intention is noble in attempting to get new fans interested in cricket, it has gone about this by implying that the traditional game can’t be sold to the public. The fundamentals – such as an over consisting of six balls – have been thrown out of the window, creating a whole new format that no one else in the world plays and bears little resemblence to the others. If the Hundred is meant to be gaining new fans for cricket, what is the point of changing the rules to the extent that those new fans will find it difficult to get into Test matches or One Day Internationals?
Aside from the format, the Hundred disposes of the traditional county teams and is competed for by sides that reek of a marketing agency brainstorming session. If you think the Manchester Originals and the Welsh Fire sound tacky, you should see their logos. Obviously, in England we only have a few months of the year to play cricket so adding the Hundred to the calendar has raised serious questions about overly packed schedules and player burnout. The England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) have made it clear that the Hundred is their marquee tournament – it gets the biggest marketing budget – and therefore it gets the prime place in the summer, during the school holidays. The T20 Blast, which since its inception in 2003 had been English cricket’s great domestic money spinner, was done and dusted by the time the kids broke up.
Hampshire won the 2022 T20 Blast, but you’d be forgiven for having missed it
Personally, I’m not a fan. I may have been a cricket devotee for twenty years but I’m not one of those pig-headed enough to think the game doesn’t have to appeal to new audiences. Ever since England internationals were sold to Sky in 2006, the game has waned in its relevance to the public. Children aren’t becoming obsessed by the sport by stumbling across it on Channel 4, like I did. Players like Joe Root and Ben Stokes should be rock stars, yet they could walk down most streets unnoticed. The Hundred does at least put cricket back on terrestrial television, yet in my opinion at an unnecessarily high cost. Pumping the same money into the T20 Blast, pushing it into the public eye on BBC TV at the height of summer would surely have had the same effect.
I do still watch the Hundred. It is still cricket, and I doubt the impact of an individual boycotting something like that. But when I see the BBC Two coverage starting with a sort of rap/hip hop tune in its opening titles, I get the impression that this tournament isn’t for me. Every effort is made to appeal to young people, to ‘urbanise’ the game, and in a way it feels like a bit of an insult to cricket itself because the game is already great. I feel nothing for the teams, being made up and not steeped in any kind of history of tradition, and it takes me a while to remember who won its first edition last year (it was Southern Brave).
So for all the Hundred is doing in appealing to new fans, it leaves us with a summer schedule bursting at the seams. Ben Stokes, arguably England’s most exciting player, withdrew from the tournament last summer as well as all other forms of cricket to prioritise his mental health. This year, he announced before it had even started that he wasn’t going to play in it before retiring from ODIs, citing having to play too often as one of the reasons for his decision. Having only just turned 31 and three years on from almost single-handedly winning the World Cup for England, these should be the prime years of his career so it should be a significant warning to the authorities that he felt his only option was to walk away.
Ben Stokes played his last ODI in July, before retiring from the format at the age of 31
The Hundred is just one of many domestic tournaments around the world that cricketers can sign up for. Unlike football, the international game has traditionally been seen as the most important and most lucrative. This has changed dramatically since the Indian Premier League (IPL) was launched in 2008. According to an article by Tim Wigmore in the August issue of Wisden Cricket Monthly, the IPL’s latest broadcasting rights deal will see each live match generate £12 million – out of all the sports leagues in the world, only the NFL (American Football) is more lucrative. Keen to grab their own slice of the pie, other tournaments have popped up all over the world. There is the Big Bash in Australia, the Pakistan Super League, and a new one that is due to launch in the United Arab Emirates early next year.
The Indian Premier League has been an astonishing success
Professional cricketers can earn life changing sums of money from playing in these tournaments all over the world. Only players from India, Australia and England could hope to earn as much from playing for their countries. This has left players with extraordinary decisions to make, and increasingly they are prioritising representing an IPL franchise over playing for their nations. It’s a worrying situation, and the Hundred is only adding to the headache.
The topic of why we invest so much of our time, money and emotions into this sport is one I’ve tried to tackle before without coming to any real conclusions. I think it’s a bit like searching for the meaning of life. If you start to think too deeply about it, you realise you have no idea.
My last newspaper column of the season for the Eastern Daily Press is available to read online now.
I love music. I love all kinds of music. It doesn’t have to be a certain genre or style, it just has to make me feel something.
One of my favourite bands is Blossoms, who I was delighted to discover when they were heavily promoted by Radio X (formerly XFM) in 2016. The five piece from Stockport have a knack for catchy riffs and singalong tunes, with every song written by frontman Tom Ogden. Their self-titled debut album reached number one, as did their third effort Foolish Loving Spaces in 2020. On 29th April 2022, the band released their latest: Ribbon Around The Bomb. Here’s my review.
Blossoms. Left to right: guitarist Josh Dewhurst, drummer Joe Donovan, frontman Tom Ogden, bass player Charlie Salt and keyboard player Myles Kellock.
It was soon after 6am on Friday and I was hauling myself into my car for the half an hour drive to work, contemplating the day ahead. It had been a hell of a week. The new Blossoms album had been released at midnight, though, and I was looking forward to having the time to give it a good listen on my journey.
The best thing about music is its ability to take you out of yourself. No matter what you’ve got going on, a song can change your mood in an instant. The very best songs transport you to somewhere else entirely. One of my heroes, Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys, sums it up:
“Some of my favourite records, to me, feel like places that you can sort of go to and move in to for a bit.”
Within a few seconds of hearing the strings of short instrumental opener The Writer’s Theme, I had a smile on my face. When it beautifully segued into Ode To NYC – a love letter to the Big Apple and one of four singles released ahead of the full album – I had the feeling that the world isn’t such a bad place after all. The rest of my car journey was serene, totally enraptured by the tunes coming from the radio.
Ribbon Around The Bomb, the title track and my favourite of the four singles, is followed by The Sulking Poet, a highlight of the album and a song inspired by a Blossoms fan account on Instagram that referred to frontman and principle songwriter Tom Ogden as such due to him often appearing to have a ‘face like a slapped arse’ in interviews.
Next is Born Wild, which for me brings back memories of the band’s previous chart topping album Foolish Loving Spaces. Then it’s The Writer, which carries a more than passing resemblance to the Oasis track Half The World Away.
Blossoms show how they have matured on their new album
Everything About You keeps up the album’s theme of marrying intriguing, inward-looking lyrics with cheerful melodies. Care For is a disco-inspired joy, with Ogden waxing lyrical about his new wife. Cinerama Holy Days has perhaps the album’s most repeatable chorus, while Edith Machinist has those wonderful strings adding the cherry on top of the cake.
At 7 minutes, Visions is one of the longest songs Blossoms have ever made and contains its most talked about lyric:
Was I complete at 23?
Visions by Blossoms
Then, with another instrumental lasting less than minute, the appropriately titled The Last Chapter brings us home.
This is an album that I think will prove as pivotal to the longevity of Blossoms as Humbug was to Arctic Monkeys. An evolution, rather than a revolution. The sound of a band maturing and learning with every new track. Work on a fifth record is apparently already underway and I for one can’t wait to hear more. Ribbon Around The Bomb is an album they should be very proud of.
Listen to Ribbon Around The Bomb by Blossoms on all usual musical streaming services, including Apple Music. You can buy the album from their official storehere.
In my younger days, I loved The Beano and The Dandy and my mum had both comics delivered to the house each week. I thought the smell of a fresh comic was one of the most intoxicating imaginable and was sold on their bright colours, gentle humour and simple charm.
I have a large, very heavy box under my bed right now containing pretty much every comic that ever came through the letterbox of my childhood home. When I feel like adult life is getting on top of me, which happens more often than it really should, I open the box and spend a while indulging myself in the innocence of youth.
It seems that my ‘golden’ period of receiving The Beano and The Dandy was between 1999 – the year I turned 7 – and 2003, when I was 11.
My box of comics
There’s a sort of running joke I have with a friend from when I was at university. We often talk about how we’re getting old and that our youth is well behind us. Well, we will both be 30 next birthday (him before me, I must add) which feels like something of a milestone but our chat about pipes, slippers and bowls of mashed up apple might be somewhat premature.
Still, looking back through my old comics, it’s hard not to smile at how dated these dear old things are. Here are a few examples.
This issue of The Beano, from December 2002, was giving away a free pack of stickers for your FA Premier League album. Collecting football stickers is still very much a thing, so nothing too bad so far, but look at the players used to advertise this brilliant giveaway! Dennis Bergkamp of Arsenal (retired in 2006), Paolo Di Canio of West Ham (now 53 years old) and Michael Owen of Liverpool (who left the Premier League to join Real Madrid two seasons later).
A 9-year-old can’t just fill his football sticker album up on an empty stomach, though. He’s got to have breakfast first. How about some Mornflake Oats? You can still buy them, though heaven knows when I last saw an advert for them. The bit that caught my eye was the statement that they are available at Somerfield. That particular chain of supermarkets was taken over by the Co-Op in 2009, and by 2012 all Somerfield stores had been rebranded to that of their new owners.
I’ve written before about how I’m not into films, but Disney’s Tarzan was one of the few that I have actually seen in the cinema. The film was released in October 1999, but by Christmas 2002 the character was back in an exciting new video game for… the GameBoy Advance. Released in the summer of 2001, the GameBoy Advance took games away from the bedroom and made them portable – for as long as the battery would last, that is. I never had one (I had the original GameBoy, which was in black and white).
I may not have had a GameBoy Advance but I did have a PlayStation 2. Pretty much everyone I knew who was my age between 2002 and 2006 had one, actually. There was one boy at school who had a GameCube – we all thought he was weird. The PS2 is still the best selling games console of all time (more than 155 million of them have been sold worldwide) but anyone who wasn’t lucky enough to own one in December 2002 had the chance to win one in this competition. Note how you can’t enter online, you’ve got to send your entry in by post.
Speaking of brilliant competitions, here’s another one. I don’t know if this still happens, but when I was a kid it seemed nearly everyone – boys especially – went through a stage where we’d spend that bit between getting home from school and going in for tea whizzing about on skateboards. I had one myself, but I was utterly useless at it and never did manage to pull off a single trick on it. Here the comic is giving away a skateboard. What could possibly make that prize better? By the skateboard having a photo of your favourite WWF wrestler on it, of course!
Yes, nowadays it’s the WWE that does wrestling, but until 2002 it was called the World Wrestling Federation. They were forced to change the name when they lost a court battle with the World Wildlife Fund. I swear I’m not making this up.
Those are just a few examples of how the last 20 years or so have changed the world, seen through the prism of British comics. Wow, does it make me wish I was 10 again. The comics still even have the little sticker on them that the newsagent would use to let the paper boy know where to deliver them. Simpler, happier times.
Some thoughts on Norwich City 1-2 Leicester City, as the Canaries go into the first international break of theseason winless and without a goal from open play in the Premier League.
Trouble getting a pre-match coffee should have been a warning
I met my mother and her significant other for a coffee and a muffin in the Morrisons café opposite Carrow Road before the match, only to have my dream of a refreshment break having raced down there from work thwarted by mum being told that ‘they had no cups left for hot drinks’. Excuse me? It’s 1.30pm on a Saturday, a matchday, and a big shop like that has run out of cups to have a hot drink in? Mum was furious, but thinking about it now it’s so hilariously rubbish. We left and found refreshment elsewhere but, Morrisons, you really have to plan ahead for when Norwich are at home. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that you’re extra busy when there’s a match on. I guess it should have been a warning of what was to come on the pitch.
The Morrisons supermarket opposite Carrow Road, who had run out of cups for hot drinks by 1.30pm on a matchday. I didn’t call the police on them – this photo is from when the store was subject to a bomb threat.
VAR just isn’t worth it
The dreaded Video Assistant Referee (VAR) played its part in two major incidents in today’s game, having been virtually absent from Norwich’s first two Premier League matches. First, they were awarded a penalty in the first half when Leicester’s Turkish defender Çağlar Söyüncü went to ground clumsily near the byline with Pierre Lees-Melou. The referee gave only a corner, but after a lengthy delay with his hand to his ear was advised by the VAR to go and look at the screen next to the pitch. Teemu Pukki sent the goalkeeper the wrong way to get Norwich back into the match.
Having gone 2-1 down, the home side looked like they had equalised when Kenny McLean headed in from a corner. The whole of Carrow Road, barring those in blue and white at one end of the South Stand, jumped up in delight and it took some time for the crowd to notice the awful sight of the referee with his hand in the air, disallowing the goal, seemingly based on something seen by his assistant. After what felt like an age, VAR had decided it was indeed offside – 5ft 8in Todd Cantwell was standing in an offside position, apparently blocking the view of 6ft 2in goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The mind boggles.
Both of these, as far as I’m concerned, are further proof that VAR has to go – I’m not just saying this because Norwich were on the rough end of it today. Supporting a football club is about those moments of joy, those roars of delight, that greet a goal. Especially an important equaliser like McLean’s would have been. The VAR took so long to look at it that it surely cannot have been a cut-and-shut decision. Is this really worth destroying the soul of the game for? VAR doesn’t solve an issue, it just creates a new one. Norwich fans are still haunted by the perfectly good goal Pukki had disallowed for offside by VAR against Spurs in 2019 – to this day I cannot fathom how anyone could think he was offside.
Teemu Pukki was apparently offside here against Spurs in December 2019
Lees-Melou and Söyüncü came together at the opposite end of the pitch to me in my Barclay seat, but it looked like one of those incidents where everyone shouts for a penalty but no one really expects to get one. If VAR hadn’t been there, and the referee had just given the corner, I would have been fine with it. As it is, the system is ruining the experience of being inside the ground. With each VAR decision cutting short scenes of joyous celebration, a small part of football dies. Get rid of it.
Williams looks a useful addition
Brandon Williams is on loan from Manchester United for the season
I was slightly surprised at the signing of Brandon Williams on loan from Manchester United when it was announced on Monday. I had been impressed with Dimitris Giannoulis at left back in the first game of the season against Liverpool, and thought that a club like United wouldn’t be sending one of their players to us if they didn’t think he’d be playing a lot. I saw him for the first time against Bournemouth in the cup on Tuesday night and he caused plenty of problems down the left, though I found a right-footed left back to be rather odd. On another difficult day for the Norwich defence, I thought he was really good against Leicester. He is able to think quickly, put in the perfect tackle, and has a knack of nipping in just when needed. He could be very handy for the Canaries this season and it shows that there’s quality out there if you look for it in the final days of the transfer window.
We might be too nice for the Premier League
It’s fair to say that the step up in class from the Championship to the Premier League is huge, but there’s more to it than pure ability on the pitch. Leicester finished 5th last season, and for all their talent, were still time wasting, diving and getting away with sneaky little fouls all over the pitch today. If Norwich are going to stay up they should think about taking a leaf out of Leicester’s book – they won’t be the only ones who play like that. We’ve got to show more of a nasty side.
Disappointing to hear the taking of the knee being booed
There were audible boos when the players took the knee before kick off, and it was incredibly disappointing to hear. I can’t speak for any Leicester fans but I definitely heard jeering coming from the home supporters. What is it about a simple anti-racism stance that gets some people so worked up? The more they boo it, the more it shows that a stance like the knee is needed. If you boo it, you’re not the sort of person we want supporting our club.
The T20 Blast has the excitement and the crowds, so there’s no need for The Hundred
In a concerning development this week, The Guardian reported that the England and Wales Cricket Board could be asked to move or even cancel the scheduled fifth Test match against India this summer. Due to take place between the 10th and 14th September at Old Trafford, it is believed that the Indian board may want the game shifted to make space in the calendar to complete this year’s Indian Premier League. The T20 tournament was suspended earlier this month due to an outbreak of Covid-19 amongst players and staff.
Given that The Guardian claims the remaining 31 IPL matches are worth £200m in broadcast revenue for the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI), it’s not hard to see why they would be keen to squeeze in the remainder of the tournament in a packed calendar. To me, however, it feels like a pivotal moment in the sport’s history – if an international fixture was moved or cancelled to accommodate a domestic franchise tournament, it would send out a message of cricket’s priorities and there may be no going back. It cannot be allowed to happen.
This comes as cricket in England is also at a crucial stage. The Hundred, a whole new format cooked up by marketing men and despised by almost everyone with a passing interest in the game, is set to start in July. I’ve been thinking about ways to improve cricket and here are some of my suggestions.
England should play 7 Tests every summer
Test matches. The purest form of the game. The best form of the game, in my opinion. A prolonged examination of a player’s skills, a test of their concentration. There is nothing like the ebb and flow of a Test, the way the story unfolds over the course of five days. You can dip in and out of it, coming back to a match that has changed dramatically in the few hours you’ve been at work.
England is one of the few countries that can still fill a ground for Test match cricket, a sad indictment of the world’s shortening attention spans. But, with this privileged position, we should make the most of it by playing seven Tests every summer. One series of three, one series of four. The only exception to this would be an Ashes year, in which the battle against the old enemy Australia would have to be over five and the other opponent would have to come over for two matches.
Bring back the ODI tri-series
The last ODI tri-series in England in 2005 featured a memorable Bangladesh victory over world champions Australia in Cardiff
Up until 2005 the English summer would include an ODI tri-series, where three teams – usually England and that year’s two touring sides – would compete for a place in a final at Lord’s. The demise of the tri-series was down to money, of course. The matches that didn’t involve England would understandably generate less interest, making it harder to sell tickets for them and broadcasters to question why they were paying so much for the rights. But as such a multi-cultural place, I think there is still the opportunity for a highly successful tri-series to return. Imagine England playing a two Test series with Pakistan and a four Test series with India, with the meat in the middle of that sandwich being a tri-series including three India v Pakistan clashes at grounds such as Edgbaston, Headingley and Trent Bridge – cities with large British Asian populations.
The T20 Blast is everything the ECB want The Hundred to be
As a cricket tragic I find The Hundred a bit of an insult. This sport that I love so much is apparently too complex and too boring to attract new fans without it being pulled into a shape I don’t recognise first. And that’s according to the governing body! I refuse to believe that the concept of 20 overs of six balls would be too much for the general population to understand. And the idea of changing the term ‘wickets’ to ‘outs’? Do me a favour.
What about the county cricketers of this country, professionals who ply their trade for clubs that have existed for over a century? For them to be told that they are no longer relevant and that the focal point of the summer will now be crass, made-up teams with names as risible as ‘Oval Invincibles’ is just offensive. The fact is, the ECB already have the answer to attracting new fans to cricket right in front of them – it’s called the T20 Blast.
According to a brilliant Elizabeth Ammon column in Wisden Cricket Monthly magazine, in 2019 all eighteen county teams reported that ‘between 20% and 50% of their ticket sales [for the T20 Blast] were families, and a quarter were people who had not previously bought tickets’. I went to a Blast match that year which had a crowd bigger than most international fixtures around the world. Give it a window so the best players in the world have the chance to come and play in it, get some of it on primetime terrestrial television, and the game of cricket will get the popularity boost the ECB craves. And they won’t have alienated most of the existing fans in the process.
Many would have been tempted to stick to the formula that had brought such huge success, releasing a rinse-and-repeat third album to please the masses. Not Arctic Monkeys.
After a whirlwind period in which the Sheffield band’s first two albums had been released within fifteen months of each other, there was more of a gap between 2007’s Favourite Worst Nightmare and its follow up. The front man, Alex Turner, recorded with his side project The Last Shadow Puppets – the resulting album, The Age of the Understatement, also went to number one.
The four members of Arctic Monkeys had first met Josh Homme while playing the support act for his band, American rock outfit Queens of the Stone Age, in Houston. The idea of working together was mooted and in late 2008 they began making music with Homme in his recording studio near Los Angeles. They then continued to work in another studio in the Mojave Desert – about as far away from suburban Sheffield as it is possible to imagine.
Ten tracks, all written by Turner as usual, but this time the lyrics were more abstract and instead of just guitars and drums those lyrics were accompanied by keyboards, xylophones, glockenspiels and shakers.
I won’t go into detail about each song, but here a couple of things I want to say: Fire and the Thud was written about Turner’s then-girlfriend Alexa Chung, and Cornerstone contains my favourite lyrics in the entire Monkeys canon.
Tell me, where’s your hiding place?
I’m worried I’ll forget your face
And I’ve asked everyone
I’m beginning to think I imagined you all along
Cornerstone by Arctic Monkeys
Humbug was released in the UK on 24th August 2009, which was not just the day before my 17th birthday but also five days before Arctic Monkeys headlined Reading Festival with a set that included seven of the new album’s ten tracks. They were almost unrecognisable from the band that had performed on the same stage just three years earlier – the hair was longer, the guitars louder, the mood darker.
Arctic Monkeys headlining Reading Festival in 2009
As such a major departure from their earlier work, it took some fans time to get their heads around Humbug but it was another number one album for the band and is now seen as something of a gateway for them – a record that allowed them to break out of the image of cheeky indie lads and into bona fide rock stars. It paved the way for AM, the album that broke America, and the other-worldly Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino.
Yes, I’m well aware that I’m biased (I’ve listened to Arctic Monkeys nearly every day for years), but I urge you to give this album a listen.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, when supermarkets shift a lot of flowers and chocolates love is in the air. Musicians have long been inspired by matters of the heart, so it takes a different approach to the subject to stand out. Here, I’d like to introduce you to the funniest love song I’ve ever heard.
The Turtles might not be familiar to you, but you will probably have heard at least one of their songs. In 1967 they had a big hit with Happy Together, knocking The Beatles off the top of the US charts.
Happy Together, the biggest hit The Turtles had
They were talented musicians, so naturally they wanted to go down new routes and change their sound. Their record company, however, motivated by the cash Happy Together brought in urged them to write a very similar song.
Fine, they thought – if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get. The Turtles recorded a parody of their biggest hit, dripping in sarcasm – it was called Elenore.
I feel as if I can go no further without showing you the song’s lyrics in full:
You’ve got a thing about you I just can’t live without you I really want you, Elenore, near me Your looks intoxicate me Even though your folks hate me There’s no one like you, Elenore, really
Elenore, gee, I think you’re swell And you really do me well You’re my pride and joy, et cetera Elenore, can I take the time To ask you to speak your mind? Tell me that you love me better
I really think you’re groovy Let’s go out to a movie Whadda you say now, Elenore, can we? They’ll turn the lights way down low Maybe we won’t watch the show I think I love you, Elenore, love me
Elenore, gee, I think you’re swell And you really do me well You’re my pride and joy, et cetera Elenore, can I take the time To ask you to speak your mind? Tell me that you love me better
(One more time) Elenore, gee, I think you’re swell, ha-ha Elenore, gee, I think you’re swell, ha-ha, ha-ah-ah
I long to use the line ‘I really think you’re groovy, let’s go out to a movie’ on a woman.
The trouble is, The Turtles did such a beautiful job of their act of self-sabotage that it backfired. The lyrics were a joke, but they were delivered so well and backed by such terrific production that the song became another top ten hit in the US and went to number seven in the UK – five places higher than Happy Together had managed.
It never fails to make me smile.
The funniest love song I’ve ever heard
Another love song I like
This one’s not a parody, it’s just a really great song. It’s The Dave Clark Five with their 1963 song Glad All Over.
An absolute banger, it was a number one hit in the UK and broke the top ten in the US – highly unusual for a British group that wasn’t The Beatles back then.
You may have heard it at a football match, it’s an anthem for Crystal Palace. It’s well worth a listen.
Well the weather is cruel And the season of Yule lifts the heart but it still hurts You’ve got your career spent the best part of last year apart and it still hurts So that’s why I pray each and every Christmas day that it won’t end
Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness
I’m no Scrooge, but Christmas isn’t my favourite time of year. I always struggle to decide what presents to buy, I’m not keen on turkey and that weird week between Christmas Day and New Year messes with my head.
This is also the tenth Christmas period I will spend working in a supermarket. As soon as we are into December the dreaded Christmas music starts getting pumped through the PA system. The same few festive pop hits, the ones we hear every year, joined by dreary choral gibberish. Over the course of two shifts, I must have heard at least ten different versions of Santa Baby.
If only they would add what I consider to be the best Christmas song of them all to the playlist – Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) by The Darkness.
There’s a chance you might have forgotten about The Darkness by now. They were briefly massive in the early 2000s when their debut album Permission to Land went to number one, led by the single I Believe in a Thing Called Love. In 2004 they won three BRIT awards, including Best British Group. For us here in the east of England, the band had added significance by hailing from humble Lowestoft.
The Darkness
In the build up to Christmas 2003, The Darkness released Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) – and it was a breath of fresh air. Kicking off with a heavy guitar riff, the lyrics are delivered in falsetto style by frontman Justin Hawkins. They almost sound upbeat, but if you listen closely they are tinged with sadness – he only sees his lover at Christmas, and he doesn’t want it to end and her to go away again.
Those lyrics might just be a reason we don’t hear the song alongside Slade, Wizzard and Chris Rea every year. As Hawkins put it:
We managed to get bellend into a Christmas song without it getting banned!
Justin Hawkins, The Darkness
Yep, they knew exactly what they were doing.
The song was in the race for Christmas number one in 2003 but came in at number two behind the utterly miserable Mad World cover by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules. It was accompanied by a hilarious video in which every single Christmassy thing anyone can think of was packed into 3 minutes and 41 seconds, then topped off by Hawkins shouting ‘BELLS END!’ in front of a choir of children.
As for The Darkness, Hawkins left the band in 2006 after finishing rehab for cocaine and alcohol abuse. He and his former bandmates were involved with new, separate projects before The Darkness reformed in 2011. They released a new album in October this year – but it’s safe to say the glory days are in the past.
But I urge you to make this song a part of every Christmas from now on – it’s the perfect antidote to the musical crimes that have been committed at this ‘most wonderful time of the year’.
LEE PAYNE 