LEE PAYNE

Tag: write

  • I Write Wednesday #7 – ‘oversharing and its bitter aftertaste’

    I Write Wednesday #7 – ‘oversharing and its bitter aftertaste’

    The slightly prententious title to this week’s piece is not me trying to come across all earnest – it’s actually a lyric from the Arctic Monkeys song Anyways (which you can listen to below).

    I’ll be honest, I have been finding things a bit difficult recently. My anxiety remains, thankfully, at arm’s length but it is its ugly brother depression that’s been gathering in a cloud over me.

    That voice inside my head has been getting louder. ‘You’re useless’. ‘No one likes you’. ‘God, you’re such a loner’. I’ve been trying to use the techniques I was taught during my CBT sessions to shut that voice out, but it’s been difficult. Things came to a head on Sunday when work felt like an almost impossible task. I wasn’t fit for human consumption. I hid myself away in the kiosk. On the positive side, with some help, I got through it and was much better on Monday and Tuesday. But it can be jarring to think that the darkness can encroach at any moment. You’re never safe from it.

    So much for Project Happy, eh? Well, anyway, that can wait for now. The best thing I can do is look after myself right now and tackle it again when I’m feeling brighter.

    A book I recommend: I don’t read a lot of fiction but recently I’ve been engrossed in Danny Wallace’s 2012 novel Charlotte Street. I found it in a charity shop. The protagonist, Jason, sees a girl drop what she was carrying onto the pavement while she’s getting into a taxi and stops to help pick her things up. They exchange a lingering smile, then the taxi drives away. But Jason doesn’t notice that he’s still holding something of hers – a disposable camera. And from there an obsession begins!

    A song I’m into: Stockport indie band Blossoms released their new single this week, a collaboration with Jungle called ‘What Can I Say After I’m Sorry?’ – the video for it features Everton manager Sean Dyche. Yep. I’ve been playing it on repeat since it came out and constantly have the chorus stuck in my head. Listen below!

    If you’ve made it this far, thanks very much for reading and I’ll see you again soon.

  • I Write Wednesday #5 – 7 mile walk, derby day delight and blimey, don’t Tesco make a lot of money?

    I Write Wednesday #5 – 7 mile walk, derby day delight and blimey, don’t Tesco make a lot of money?

    Hello again. This Wednesday I’m going to tell you everything I have on my mind in a handy bullet point format:

    • In pursuit of Project Happy, I applied for a job last week and had an interview. I liked it and thought it went well, but didn’t get it. That’s fine, it was a good experience. I still have a job to go to while I search.
    • My friend Gavin, whom I met at university and bonded with over a shared hatred of shorthand lessons, went for a light stroll last week and ended up walking 7 miles. The orange juice and lemonade I had at Wetherspoons afterwards had never tasted so good. In future, I must wear proper walking boots and never again let him plan the route. Photos below.
    • Saturday was the East Anglian Derby, the football match that I love and hate in equal measure. I love it because there is no better feeling than seeing Norwich beat Ipswich but the thought of losing to that lot sickens me. Thankfully, Norwich won 1-0 thanks to a cracking free kick from Marcelino Nunez. I sat downstairs from my usual seat, with my mum and her posse of nutters, and the atmosphere was electric. A day that will live long in the memory.
    • Tesco announced their latest financial results this morning and they caught my eye. They made £2.3 billion in pre-tax profit in the year to 24th February, up from an already half-decent £882m the previous year. Dear old Sainsbury’s is the UK’s second biggest supermarket chain by market share, but in last year’s results made less than half as much money. Sainsbury’s will reveal this year’s results on 25th April. There’s no excuse for Tesco not to drop their prices now, right? Or pay their staff more money?
    Gavin and I got so fed up with walking that we checked bus times. It never arrived, so we carried on.
    The view from my seat at the East Anglian Derby
    Mum looking sharp for the derby
    Caught by the Sky cameras at the football
    ‘I swear, I’ll walk out into that road’
    The route Gavin and I took

  • I Write Wednesday #2 – Christmas Eve is better than Christmas Day, I need a new job, and things to look forward to

    Hitting the Bucks Fizz on Christmas morning

    That was it then. Christmas is over and done with for another year. Is it just me, or is Christmas Day itself always a bit of a downer? The best part of the festive season is the anticipation and the build-up. Going to see the lights being switched on, the parties, feeling the atmosphere when you’re out shopping. Everyone is preparing for something. The 25th is the end of it as far as I’m concerned. In fact, I would go as far as to say Christmas Eve is better than Christmas Day.

    I obviously angered God this year, as he punished me by making me work on both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Walking into the shop yesterday, you would never have known that Christmas had just happened. Every single decoration was gone, the music had stopped, and everyone seemed to have lost the spring in their step.

    The three days before the big day were spent helping to hand out several hundred Christmas food orders, which was hard work, but at least it meant I was out of the firing line that the checkouts would have been.

    Next on the agenda is, of course, the new year. Let’s talk about that.

    Resolutions: I don’t bother with them any more. You can’t go to bed one night and wake up as someone completely different the next morning. Self-improvement is an ongoing, gradual process and it doesn’t do you any good to set a hard deadline like 1st January to change your ways. Yes, I’d like to lose weight but I am not suddenly going to be a health freak as we move into the new year.

    I am also feeling, more than I have ever done, that I need a new job. That’s going to be something to crack on with right away.

    Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

    Things to look forward to: if, like me, you’re into sport then 2024 is going to be a treat. The year ahead features a World Cup in T20 cricket (England are the holders), a European Championships in football (please, Gareth, let them off the reins) and the Olympic Games in Paris (the one hour time difference will be great for viewers on this side of the channel).

    In music, there are rumours that Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys will reunite with Miles Kane for a third The Last Shadow Puppets album – though nothing is confirmed about that yet. As discussed last week, we do know that Blossoms will be releasing an album, promising several collaborations. The Stockport five-piece will play the biggest show of their careers so far at Wythenshawe Park on 25th August, which just so happens to be my 32nd birthday.

    Watch/listen/read/play: I recommend watching Mog’s Christmas, which was on Channel 4 on Christmas Eve. It was an utterly charming half-hour of wholesome fun and it featured the unmistakeable voice of Benedict Cumberbatch. Catch up with it here.

    That’s it for the second edition of I Write Wednesday. Have a fantastic new year and I’ll see you next week.

  • I Write Wednesday #1 – Mary Earps, Gavin and Stacey, Blossoms and more

    What is ‘I Write Wednesday’?

    A short round up of things on my mind. Things I’ve seen, read, heard etc. From my point of view, it will help me keep my eye in with my writing. As the name suggests, it will be semi-regular and published on Thursdays.

    Thursdays!?

    Only kidding.

    Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

    So what do you want to tell us this week?

    A bit of news: That Mary Earps won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award last night and I couldn’t be happier for her. I’m not trying to be right-on or anything like that when I say I love watching the Lionesses. They seem to be more of a team than their male counterparts – and more successful. Earps is a brilliant example of the virtue of never giving up. Four years ago, she felt like her football career was going nowhere and was preparing to try something else. Last night, she received the prestigious SPotY award as a Euros winner, World Cup finalist and comfortably the best goalkeeper in the women’s game. Apparently oxygen thief Piers “Morgan” Moron has been whining (for a change) about it. I find a good rule for life is that whatever he doesn’t like is probably a good thing. Well done Mary.

    A song I’ve been listening to: Blossoms will be releasing their fifth album next year and the first single from it, To Do List (After The Breakup) is a banger. It’s a collaboration with fellow Stockport musician Findlay and, in true Ronseal style, tells you what you need to do after a break up. I’m a big fan. Watch the video below.

    A podcast I’ve been listening to: one I’ve been really getting into recently is The Rest Is Entertainment. It’s a weekly dissection of all things pop culture hosted by Richard Osman (of Pointless, House of Games and Thursday Murder Club fame) and The Guardian journalist Marina Hyde. A recent highlight has been Osman’s insight into this year’s race for the Christmas number one, in which he dropped the bombshell fact that 2004’s Band Aid 20 remains Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke’s only UK number one single. It’s interesting, it’s funny, and it’s been making my journeys to and from work fly by.

    Something you should watch this Christmas: it’s not exactly a hidden gem, but nothing gets me into the Christmas spirit quite like the 2008 festive special of Gavin and Stacey. It’s brilliantly observed, and truly captures that sense of anticipation that the big day holds. It makes me miss those big family Christmasses I remember as a child. You can watch it on BBC iPlayer here.

    Is that it?

    That will do you for this week. Have a very happy Christmas, a great new year and I’ll be back soon.

    Just before you go – why are you asking yourself questions?

    Leave me alone.